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some one liners

  •  If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
  •  If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he’ll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
  •  Beat the 5 O’clock rush: leave work at noon!
  •  I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
  •  Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
  •  Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’
  •  I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  •  I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.
  •  I say no to drugs — they just don’t listen!
  •  Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  •  Work is fine if it doesn’t take up too much of your time.
  •  When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  •  Born free; Taxed to death.
  •  Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don’t have film.
  •  Smile — it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
  •  A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray andthe blinking red light.
  •  The hardest part of skating is the ice.
  •  The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
  •  The trouble with being punctual is that there’s no one there to appreciate it.
  •  If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  •  It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
  •  I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • “Your future depends on your dreams” so go to sleep.
  • “Hard work never killed anybody”, but why take the risk.
  •  There should be a better way to start a day… Than waking up every morning.

       Some funny insults 

  • Why don’t you blow your brains out? You have nothing to lose.
  • Let’s play house. You be the door. I’ll slam you.
  • What’s on your mind- If you’ll please excuse the exaggeration.
  • I’ll swear eternal friendship for anyone who dislikes you as much as I do.
  • I need a bookmark more than I need you, so step in front of a steamroller on your way out.
  • I don’t know what makes you tick, but I hope it’s a time bomb.
  • Next time you pass my house, I’ll appreciate it.
  • You have a very striking face? How many times have you been struck there?
  • Why don’t you sue your brains for non-support?
  • Why don’t you leave and let live?
  • You can could make a good living hiring yourself out to haunt people.
  •  One should love animals. They are so tasty.
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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. January 27, 2009 at 1:07 PM

    I randomly chanced upon ur blog from Kerala Blog Roll and found ur blog very entertaining. Especially this post on one-liners. Hope you keep posting interesting stuff of the similar nature.

    • October 25, 2009 at 4:02 PM

      Hi,
      Thank you very much for commending at my blog. Sorry for not noticing you comment before, I had not seen it before.

      Regards. Hoping to put interesting stuffs here.

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